Birthing Wildcrafted Mothering
Still wet and sticky and covered in vernix, I hold her in my arms with wonder. She has crossed the threshold! She has navigated the rhythmic surges of compression and expansion, and gently, in her own time, sung the Song of the Cervix and passed through the doorways of transformation and traveled the long passage into manifestation to bring forth her light- de la luz- into the world.
Birthing soul mission into the world doesn’t happen overnight.
You could say I spent the last six months developing the structures and website expressions; you could say I spent the last three years in deep healing of personal and ancestral witch wound trauma; you could say I’ve spent the last twenty years developing the unique modalities utilized by this work while raising and homeschooling my children; you could say I’ve spent the last 35 years developing my capacity and skill set spiritually and energetically; you could say I’ve been working on this my whole life- or for many, many lifetimes. And every word you said would be true.
The miracle is: it happens.
As mothers, it is important that we honor the momentousness of this birth, and all that has gone into it: the sleepless nights, the tears, the worries, the fears; the hopes, the dreams, the passions, the commitment, the devotion. The consistent effort in care of our vessel that we can carry the babe through, strong and vibrant and true. The consistent effort in showing up through the veil of fear to meet this bigger energy, this luminous being more powerful than any fear, and nurture her true essence into the living reality of our life. It is essential that we honor, celebrate and acknowledge the incredible presence and devotion and courage that it required of us to nurture this new life- even at the times it could not be seen but only felt- and make the changes required to birth this new being into the world. For change it does require. More than change, birthing soul essence- whether a human child, an essence creation, or a soul calling- into the world creates profound transformation within us. It is an initiation of the next level of our soul evolution. It requires that we meet and transmute the fears, conditioning, limited thinking, personal and ancestral wounding, habituated patterns of contraction and unconscious resistance operating in body, mind, emotions and energetics that are out of alignment with the higher frequency of this soul essence birthing into the world. In simple terms, we must raise in vibration to match the higher frequency of the soul essence birthing through us. And that is an epic adventure.
When we give birth, we birth not only that new soul into the world, we also give birth to ourselves- a new, stronger, more empowered, more luminous, more sovereign, whole and joyful, higher frequency version of ourselves. It is the person we had to become to be a true steward for the soul essence coming through us. It is the energy we need to embody to nurture and care for this new being as they blink their eyes open for the first time and begin to engage with the new world around them. It is the strength, the perspective, and the luminous internal compass that we need to make choices in alignment with the greatest wellbeing of this sweet soul that we are given the task of nurturing. My point is, this transformative process that we undergo as mothers while bearing and birthing our children is not small potatoes. It is ever so important- it is the crucible, the initiatory and purifying fire that we need to become the person capable of being a true, aligned steward to this soul essence. And the gift to us? We become an even better version of ourselves: more free, more joyful, more clear, more confident, more empowered, more open, more aware. Our wisdom is set free. We access more of the Love that is our birthright.
And of course, this evolutionary journey of motherhood and creation doesn’t stop with the birth. Motherhood is a Sacred Path of Awakening- and the journey of actively and intentionally mothering our creations- whether human child or soul mission business- calls us into deeper and deeper alchemy within our own essence, into greater and greater alignment with Who We Truly Are. Doesn’t the beauty of it all just take your breath away?!
The birth of Wildcrafted Mothering had for me some really important portals of initiation to undergo, in order to be able to bring her into the world.
The Willingness to Be Seen
The first of these portals, the willingness to be seen, has been the deep soul work of the last three years (and more), taking me into past lives of burning at the stake for living my truth in service to the Light, of being persecuted for bringing my gifts into the world. Those kinds of personal and ancestral wounds leave a mark, and there are deeply ingrained patterns set forth within many of us to keep us safe: patterns that have us keep ourselves hidden, dim down our light, and avoid being seen or recognized (not matter how much we may long for it) so that we will avoid persecution, judgement, and harm. It is quite natural that we would do so! But now is the time that we face these old wounds and fears, witness and integrate them with love, and call upon deep wisdom and strength of our soul essence to courageously bring forth all of who we are into this world, that we may be of true service to humanity, and to all of Life.
This was the portal I had to navigate first, so that I could even begin the work of conceiving, gestating and birthing Wildcrafted Mothering. Dancing with this initiatory energy, and exploring the edges of my willingness to be seen, is an ongoing practice. In this work I am actively dismantling my habituated conflict avoidance, learning how to become comfortable making others uncomfortable, and giving permission to take up space and have an opinion. I embrace the truth that taking a stand for what I truly believe in will be deeply polarizing: just as it will attract the people who are resonant with this energy, it will also repel those who aren’t. The upshot? There are people who aren’t going to like me. And for a well-trained people-pleaser, that is a tough pill to swallow. It’s even downright terrifying.
What makes it worth it? A reasonable question. I mean, why not just keep the bushel basket over your head and not rock the boat? Why not keep your head down and just skate through, undetected? Because who we BE matters. Because the gifts and codes and knowings that we carry are valuable resources for our family, our family of Life on Earth. Because we are here for a reason, and we each have a unique song frequency to gift to the collective. Because we can make a difference. And because the pain of not fully expressing Who You Truly Are becomes unbearable, and you must- MUST- be free. The only way out is through.
For me, it is the children. I am dedicated to children being truly free, able to grow up consistently connected to themselves and reared in a reverent familial context of love, trust and respect. I am dedicated to their families, and especially, to the mothers who are the portal for them to come Earthside. I know to the core of my being that mothers in this age of awakening are profoundly important for anchoring a new frequency of sovereignty and love to carry us forward into a new era of harmony with All Our Relations. Each day, I come back to this dedication, this devotion, this vision, and this possibility for us all. This is what has me get out of bed, even when my courage has dried up and my self-doubt is screaming at me like an oncoming freight train. Because it’s not about me, you know? What’s a little bit of persecution when you look at the bigger picture of what’s possible? I’ll admit, it’s still daunting… but it won’t stop me. This is walking my life as a path of devotion.
Frequency Before Form & The Redefinition of “Work”
Oof. This one has been huge. Still is huge. In fact, I’ve been struggling with it all day today- well, struggling with the old programming that tells me “Good workers work hard all day long without stopping and never complain”. Or, “If you aren’t constantly pushing and striving for it you’ll never succeed, and then you’ll starve.” Or, “Stopping ‘work production’ to allow time for [fill in the blank: healing, rest, creative renewal, transmuting fears, having fun, etc] is inexcusably lazy, ineffective, and will cause you to fail (i.e. starve).” Or the extra effective guilt by comparison route: “Look how hard so-and-so is working! You’ll never succeed if you don’t work as hard as them.” Or, “How dare you slow down and nurture yourself when [fill in the blank with your favorite guilt comparison person] has been ‘working hard all day’!” And on and on. I’m sure you have your own versions of these “truisms” running (consciously or unconsciously) in the background. Our culture is full of them, and we’ve all been programmed with the work-til-you-bleed-or-you-won’t-survive mentality. You can blame it on ancestral trauma, or an autocracy that wants to keep us down, or negative alien agendas, or whatever your personal flavor of reasoning is, but wherever it comes from, it is well integrated into every facet of “life as usual” in western society. (I can’t speak for other cultures and places in the world, since I wasn’t raised there.)
It has been extremely helpful for me in the last five or six years to have discovered Human Design, and learned about my design as a Projector that has a penetrating energy field not designed for sustained ‘work’ and output of energy. Realizing that the reason I was never able to be a good ‘doobie’ and work-work-work-all-day-long-without-complaining was not because I was defective and incapable, but because I was designed for other things (namely, seeing deeply into others and guiding), was pretty effing amazing. (Sigh of relief.) However, unlearning a lifetime of cultural conditioning that tells me my survival, success, and worth requires pushing, striving, and overextending is no simple feat.
And before I dive deeper into this, one thing I want to say is that- whether you are a Projector or a Manifestor, or have never heard of Human Design and have no interest in these types of profiling systems- the paradigm around work, success, survival and self-worth that is dominant in our culture is toxic to all. of. us. It is not a paradigm based on thriving and alignment with the flow of Life Force Energy; it is a conditioned way of thinking and behaving based on fear. Just to be clear, the things I’m talking about here, that are especially extreme for me because I’m a Projector, are equally true for all of us, no matter how much energy we have available on a daily basis for “doing”. Because what we are really talking about is Frequency Before Form: that is, that the energy/frequency of who you ARE- and who you are BEING in this moment- is what informs all your actions and creations, and is the source of any and all true “success”. Thus, if any of us- sacrals and non-sacrals alike- overextend, burn ourselves out, don’t attend to things in our life that are coming up to be addressed, or in other ways don’t tend to our personal wellbeing- we are thrown out of alignment, and what we do/create is not as effective, successful or ultimately fulfilling for us because the energy is off. If you want a carrot, don’t plant a skunk cabbage seed. Right? The frequency- our energy and energetic alignment- is the seed from which the fruits of our labors grow.
So if work- good work, work that allows us to put Frequency Before Form, work that is authentic, soul-led, effective, and as life-giving to us as it is to others— isn’t pushing til we bleed and doing it again tomorrow, what the heck does it look like?
…
(are those crickets I’m hearing?)
…
and still waiting.
Google does not have a response for that question. Neither does our culture, our parents, or pretty much anyone.
***A moment of pause in respectful gratitude to those souls who are newly (re)creating the template for divine work. Yes, they are out there. I have felt them in the field, and been blessed know a few directly, who have been indispensable guides, models and mentors for me in this adventure of living Frequency Before Form and cultivating a new paradigm of soul-led creating. Thank you for Who You BE.***
So, yes. Discovering what it looks like as we live it. Kind of like motherhood, right? wink.
And while we are speaking of motherhood (and when am I not speaking of motherhood? ha ha)- and thanks for hanging in there with me while I meander in my circuitous way (I promise there is a point) because there are key aspects to the impact of this conversation about “work” and frequency that I want to be sure to address as we explore it-
When I speak of “work” what I really mean is our devotion to Life. Our engagement with Life and the soul-calling that is moving through us into creation, expression, action and interaction. I do NOT mean the effort you make/action you take in exchange for dollars. I don’t mean your occupation, job, or source of income. True Work (let’s try using a capital ‘W’ for this new definition of work that we are creating here) is a far bigger box than just our source of income. However, it DOES (or can, if we choose it) include our job, occupation, etc- and it is also much more than that. And this brings us to Motherhood.
Whether or not you also “work outside the home” (i.e. have a job or run a business or otherwise earn an income), being a Mother is (or can be) true Work. Work that is an expression of your devotion, that moves through you as a soul-calling, that creates thriving and joy in your life. And what would it mean for our paths of motherhood if we stopped applying the work-til-you-bleed-and-then-keep-going mentality to our definition of “being a good mother”? What would it be like if we recognized that the “success” of our mothering- the flourishing of our relationships, the presence with our children, the confidence in decisions, the joy our children experience in life, etc- was sourced Frequency Before Form? That is, what if we honored the reality that cultivating our own vibrational alignment (through all the ways- rest, play, addressing the stuff coming up for healing, and any number of things particular to you) was the foundation of “doing it right” or “being good enough” mothers? What if we recognized that all of our actions and interactions are infused with the energy of who we are BEING, and it is that energy that impacts our children, our family, and our own experience of motherhood? The action, the words, the expression are just carriers- beautiful, inspired, perfectly created carriers- to share that frequency with others, and through that aligned frequency, create thriving. What would day to day life look like? Would it look different than what you thought motherhood “should” look like, or what you see on tv or what you saw your mother doing? Would it challenge your concepts of what “acceptable” mother behavior looks like? Could it even redefine the parameters of what is POSSIBLE in life, motherhood and beyond? Oh yes. Oh, hell yes.
Enter Magic
So I will tell you a bit about what I see happening in my life as I fumble along in my intuitively guided way with the birthing of Wildcrafted Mothering, discovering how to live Frequency Before Form in the stewarding of my soul calling, and re-inventing what Work looks like as I go. In a word? Magic.
For sures, I’ve been exploring this paradigm of Frequency Before Form throughout my Motherhood journey, so I’ve had some good practice- at least in that department of my life. But for me, when it comes to “formal” work (that is, paying work)- ie, earning an income, business structures, clients, etc- the old work-til-you-bleed programs of what “should” be considered “real work”, “successful work”, or even “enough work”, flies up in my face with a vengeance. I had deconstructed my experience of mothering from our cultural paradigms (to a large extent, anyway, at least enough to walk a sovereign path as a mother)- but not my experience of occupation, earning an income, and “business” (shiver).
What I see when I look back over the journey of birthing Wildcrafted Mothering (and my continuing journey bringing her out into the world) is Life operating in ways outside the linear, didactic format our educational system wanted us to believe was the foundation of all (worthy) reality. Magical ways that Life operates, unfolds, and surprises me. What I see is that when I do something completely audacious (to that old conditioning)- such as closing my computer, ceasing “trying to write web copy”, and going for a long walk in the woods instead- seemingly miraculous things happen: like I download the whole next year’s structure for events. Completely out of the blue. What I see is that staying present with and allowing time to process the emotions around fears that are coming up, creates such a new freedom and clarity within me that I am able to write more clearly and effectively than ever before- because I am more clear than ever before. No amount of pounding away at the keyboard could have done that. Who can work hard and long enough to make themselves inwardly clear? You can’t access true clarity through “effort” and logging long hours just to prove you “worked hard” at it. And the value of that kind of clarity- true inner clarity? Priceless. Indispensable.
What I see is that the external form of “productive work” (that is, the external expression of our soul-energy-calling into tangible form) doesn’t pour forth in a consistent, incremental, systematic way. It has fits and starts, can suddenly whoosh forth seemingly out of no where, or trickle forth slowly and gently, rippling over rocks, eddying in little pools.
It is much like gardening: You can plant the seed (your intention)- and then it can seem like nothing is happening. for. ever. (especially to your four year old.) It quickly becomes obvious that “throwing action at it” (like digging up the seeds to see if they have germinated, or forcing yourself to sit in front of the computer even though you don’t know what to say) only makes things worse. You recognize for the kind of fruit you want- real, nourishing fruit- it’s going to mean a little bit of trust. A little bit of surrender to the Mystery. A little bit of letting go, resting, allowing. All kinds of magic is gestating beneath the soil! But you can’t see it on the outside- yet. And then suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, the sprouts emerge. Like magic. :)
If I’m honest, this has been SUPER challenging for me! (Sweet hug to my dear self.) I want it, and I want it now! Patience can be hard, as magic isn’t a mail order catalog, and gestation can take time. The undulating current of creation doesn’t really give a fig if your “projected timeline” is blown completely. I’ve needed to learn to trust in this bigger current, this wild and living energy of the creation moving through me- and unhook from investing too heavily in my mind’s ideas of what “should” happen. I have needed to consistently unplug myself from the conditioned “shoulds” in my head telling me I ought to be producing more quickly and more consistently; that it is not okay (read: not safe) for me to take time for … whatever it is: this healing process, for the unexpected happenings in family life that need my attention, for extra rest, for going and goofing off for a bit, for lying on the forest floor and watching the leaves sway against the blue blue summer sky.
Birth Stories are important. We need to hear what it is really like, what the lived experience of bringing forth a new soul into the world is like, the challenges and the exaltations. It’s been really powerful for me to take the time to reflect on it, and witness this journey of birthing Wildcrafted Mothering. I hope that in sharing some of it with you, we can together begin to dispel the myths propagated by that old paradigm and encourage each other in the willingness to be seen for Who We Truly Are. I want to recognize for myself (and share with you) what it REALLY took to get her here- not pushing and striving, not working my knuckles to the bone, but instead listening, holding space, nurturing, allowing, and flowing into creation when it naturally poured out of me. Recognizing the deep inner transformation that had to occur within me to make that possible. The willingness to meet my fears and trust in my vision anyway. The dedication to the children, the families, the mothers. I want to honor the wonderful and mystifying truth of what I have experienced these past months: that when I trust the flow of Life moving through me, when I am truly present with what is coming up (even- and especially- when it is uncomfortable and inconvenient), when I honor my energy level and tend lovingly to myself, when I allow time for nurturing, play, and rest as I am called to it, when I put Frequency Before Form… everything I create from that space is supercharged. And, not only that, the creation process is so much easier- actually fun, joyful, in a flow and often magical and even mysterious. I am part of a bigger Flow, a bigger energy, and I am held and supported and nurtured in that.
The old paradigm wants to tell me that if I live this way, that everything I create will suck, be totally unsuccessful and ineffective, and my family will starve. But my experience has not borne that out. And so, I’m dumping that old paradigm. Goodbye, guilt and fear.
Hello, Magic.