What’s Ceremony Got To Do With Mothering?
Why Ceremony?
For most of us raised in the western world, ceremony is a foreign concept. Our only experience of ceremony is typically stale and formulaic, fixed, impersonal, institutional. It’s just going through the motions; pomp and circumstance; unconscious habituated behavior. (For those in the US, do you remember our monotone reciting of the ‘pledge of allegiance’ in public school every morning?). Even many religious ceremonies have lost their meaning for many people, becoming merely a pre-programmed set of words and actions to follow without questioning, and without much personal feeling.
As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, this formulaic and impersonal version of “ceremony” is NOT what I mean when I am speaking about true ceremony. This type of fixed ceremony is lifeless- it is a dead ceremony. True ceremony is ALIVE. (This is why I began calling my ceremonial work “Living Ceremony”, to speak to this difference.) True ceremony is full of feeling, rich with meaning and depth; it connects us with our values, with what matters to us, with our love, with our intentions. Most importantly, true ceremony is transformational. It facilitates positive change within us. Ceremony is alchemical: through the process of our ceremony, we undergo a shift in consciousness, an attunement or activation of our own energy field that creates real and lasting change within us. At the completion of true ceremony, we are in a new, more aligned, more clear, more expanded state of consciousness from which we can make decisions, take action and express ourselves in our lives in a much more authentic and effective way. In short, through the process of ceremony, we step into a truer version of ourselves.
There are many beautiful types of ceremony- personal ceremony, rite of passage ceremony (like weddings or blessingways), healing ceremony, prayer ceremony, etc. To be honest, I don’t really like to think too much in categories, though, since I find all ceremony to be healing, prayerful, personal and usher us through transformational passages in our lives, whether “big” or “small”. What is more important than the type of ceremony? Experiencing ceremony.
Ceremony is a powerful, sacred space where we are held and safe to truly “show up” and be present with ourselves. Ceremony opens a space “time out of time” where we can set down for a while our roles and responsibilities, our cares and our burdens, our activities and our busyness- and open to receive.
Receive what? Stillness. Presence. Your own loving attention. Connection. Care. Nourishment. Peace. Love. Forgiveness. Blessings of radiant divine light, caress of wind, scent of wet grass, feeling your own body… messages of angels… upwelling of inner knowing… clarity. Healing.
“But Rhiannon,” you ask, “Aren’t all these things available to me all the time? Couldn’t I connect with my heart any old time? Aren’t my angels around me all the time, supporting me and guiding me?”
Yes. Yes you can. And yes they are.
And Life is deeply engaging. There is much work to do, much to care for, and attend to. We have responsibilities, activities, day in, day out. For many of us, this becomes such a mesmerizing cycle of busyness that we don’t ever actually pause long enough to connect with our hearts, to hear the messages of angels. All of the support, guidance, love and blessings are available to us all the time: but are we opening to receive them?
Ceremony opens a doorway to step through into sacred space, where we are invited put down the ordinary life activities and connect with self and spirit directly. We deliberately, intentionally, reverently, lovingly: open to receive.
Mothers in particular are guilty of that tendency to put everything else and everyone else before themselves, saying “there’s just too much to do” or “if I don’t do it no one will”. Mothers seems to find it particularly difficult to carve out time in their day for stillness, connection with self, for opening to receive. Young children demand all of our attentiveness; older children need consistent emotional presence, and let’s be honest, a lot of chauffeuring. Mothers often feel overworked, overburdened and alone, even when they have supportive partners. It can feel impossible to find a quiet space in that busy world of mothering. And I do not disagree, it IS a particular challenge (one of those challenges that catalyses our awakening)- but the solution is not to collapse and say I’ll meditate when they go to college. It is essential that we recognize the very real value of ceremony in our lives (and of course there are many forms of ceremony to engage in)- and to strategize a way to open to receive that sacred space for ourselves.
Now, before you get your knickers in a knot, I’m not saying that at every stage of motherhood it is good, right or even possible to spend three hours a day in contemplation and mantra recitation. I’m not saying that should be your goal ever! What I AM saying is that we must recognize the deep need and profound value of ceremony in our lives so that together, as a community of families and mothers, we can cultivate, invent and support opportunities for ceremony and sacred space for ourselves, both privately and in group gatherings. I am saying that we need ceremony to stay sane, to stay centered- and dare I suggest it- to actually enjoy our journey of being a mother. I am saying that our kids need us to sip the nectar of ceremony so we can bring our full, radiant, nourished selves back into the temple of family life. I am saying that it is f*cked up that our society no longer supports this kind of personal and community renewal, and that we must reinvent this practice for ourselves, so that we can create thriving lives with our children. I am not saying I have all the answers. I am just here offering my attempts at some solutions: and inviting you to join me. Because if we are going to create real change in this world, we need each other. We deserve it, and our kids deserve it. And our grankids deserve it.
I created Wildcrafted Mothering as a place to support mothers in living a thriving path of motherhood, by supporting their deep engagement with their own path of awakening and personal healing. Everything I offer is a ceremony: personal healing ceremonies, rite of passage ceremonies, retreats, our Mother’s Council… I’m excited for the many opportunities coming up for all of us to join in ceremony together. I hope one of them will speak to your heart and open a path for you to deeply receive all that is here for you.
On May 13 & 20 we have two beautiful ceremonies being held for you, opening this safe, sacred space to receive deeply all that you need for your own healing, nourishment, joy and evolution. I offer ceremony because I am deeply in awe of the power that ceremony has to bless our lives in deep and profound ways, ways that go beyond the intellect, touching our hearts and empowering us to embody more fully Who We Truly Are.
Sacred Mother Cacao Ceremony is an intimate circle of just 8 mothers to receive the heart opening medicine of Mama Cacao, the beautiful plant that chocolate comes from, by drinking a tea made from ceremonial cacao paste. Mama Cacao is considered the Divine Mother Doula who midwifes us through our personal times of change and transformation, transmuting those heavy energies that may have been weighing us down, and opening our hearts to greater truth and wisdom. She is both gentle and deep, and has been a great teacher of mine. I am so honored to get to share this powerful medicine with you, and to offer you this day to celebrate your motherhood and be honored, nourished and blessed. There are a still a few openings left, and if this opportunity for ceremony is calling you, I encourage you to join us. It is sure to be a magical and rich experience of deep connection with divine Love.
Receiving Grace is a retreat led by my dear friend, Talia Rose, who joins us for just one week from Oregon to share her music and medicine. Receiving Grace is a doorway to open to receive both healing blessings and tools for your journey to support your growth and your strength as you walk your sacred path. This retreat is an Open Community Event, so please welcome your friends and family to join us.
The Mother’s Council is a sacred circle of mothers who gather together to speak truth and share wisdom, offer prayer and share song. It is a beautiful space to share our collective wisdom and to be inspired, supported and loved in a sacred way with other mothers.
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Do you ever feel nervous about ceremony, like it is strange, unfamiliar, weird or maybe just a bit unsettling? This is a very common and normal response, especially for those of us who have grown up in a western culture. It is very normal to feel uncomfortable when entering a new activity where you don’t know “the rules” (what if I sit when I’m supposed to stand and speak when I’m supposed to be silent??). I want to assure you that the only rule is this one: Honor Yourself. True Ceremony is a sacred space of non-judgemental, unconditional love. The purpose of true ceremony is to hold a space where you can come home to yourself. There is nothing foreign here. Just a loving space where you get to be you.
Also this- sometimes this nervous response to ceremony is actually your deep, raw, intuitive sense that if I engage in this ceremony, I will change. Yes. This is true. And our conditioned selves are taught to be uncomfortable with change. But I want to assure you of this: The change we are talking about here is positive change. The type of change that helps you to be more effective, more grounded, more patient, more loving. The type of change that helps you to feel stronger, clearer, more inspired. And what is it that really changes? What changes is all the “stuff” that isn’t really you- the resistance, the story, the blame, the fear, the habits of tension. When all that is false releases, what is left? You. The real you. Ceremony isn’t changing you. Ceremony creates a change in your state, your energy, so you can release what is not serving and come into alignment with Who You Truly Are. Ceremony holds a sacred space where you can come home to yourself.
The temple doors are open.
I hope you will join us.